The Holiday Permission Question Nobody Asks Until It’s Too Late

Every summer, someone stands at an airport check-in desk and discovers that booking flights isn’t the same as having permission to leave the country with their children. 

The conversation usually happens after the deposit’s paid. Sometimes after the full balance is due. Occasionally – and this is when I receive the panicked call – it happens at the departure gate. 

“Can my ex actually stop me taking the kids to Spain?” 

The answer nobody wants to hear: possibly yes.

When “Just a Week Away” Becomes a Legal Issue

After separation, the question of holiday permission sits in an uncomfortable space. You’re the children’s parent. You’ve always taken them on holiday. The idea that you now need to ask – or worse, seek legal permission – feels like your parental authority has been fundamentally diminished.

That feeling makes sense. But the law draws a clear line between taking children on holiday during an intact relationship and taking them after separation, particularly if you’re planning to leave the country.

The risk isn’t just about whether your former partner agrees or disagrees. It’s about what happens if you proceed without properly addressing the question beforehand.

The Specific Problem Nobody Mentions When Booking

Here’s the pattern I’ve noticed across hundreds of these situations: parents focus entirely on the practical questions – dates, destination, budget, whether the children will miss school – and skip the legal one.

Do you have clear, documented permission to take the children abroad?

If there’s a child arrangements order in place specifying where the children live, you’ll need the consent of everyone with parental responsibility to take them outside the UK, unless the order specifically states otherwise.

That consent needs to be specific – not a vague “yes, fine” in a text message from three months ago, but clear agreement about these dates, this destination, these travel arrangements.

Without it, you’re potentially committing a criminal offence. Child abduction sounds extreme when you’re planning a fortnight in Portugal, but that’s the legal framework you’re operating within.

What Actually Happens at the Border

Most separated parents assume that if there’s a problem, it will emerge during the booking process. Flight reserved, hotel confirmed, travel insurance arranged – surely if there was an issue, someone would have flagged it by now?

Border control works differently.

If your former partner contacts the police and reports that you’re attempting to remove the children from the jurisdiction without consent, a port alert can be issued. That alert doesn’t stop you booking flights. It stops you boarding them.

I’ve seen this play out enough times to know the devastation it causes – not just the financial loss and the ruined holiday, but the confusion and distress it creates for the children who don’t understand why their planned trip has suddenly collapsed.

The Question to Ask Before You Book Anything

Not “Will my ex be difficult about this?” but “What evidence do I have that this trip is agreed?”

Written consent is essential. That means an email or letter that confirms: the dates you’re travelling, the destination, the travel arrangements, and explicit agreement that the children can be taken abroad during this period.

If you have a child arrangements order, check whether it includes a provision about international travel. Some orders specify that holidays abroad require written consent. Others include a general permission clause. Many say nothing at all – which doesn’t mean permission is automatic.

For parents who share parental responsibility but don’t live together, the safest approach is to raise the question of holiday plans early, get agreement in writing, and keep that documentation with your travel documents.

When Agreement Isn’t Forthcoming

Of course, assumes the other parent will respond reasonably to a straightforward request. Doesn’t always happen.

If you’ve asked with reasonable notice and received either an outright refusal or deliberate silence, you can apply to the court for a specific issue order – essentially asking a judge to grant permission for the trip when the other parent won’t.

The court will consider what’s in the children’s best interests. A week in the sun with a parent they live with and see regularly? Usually approved, assuming the trip is properly planned and doesn’t conflict with the other parent’s time. A three-month trip to a country with no Hague Convention provisions? That’s a different conversation.

What courts don’t look kindly on is parents who simply proceed without permission, hoping it won’t become an issue. Taking that approach doesn’t just risk the holiday being stopped – it damages your credibility in any future proceedings.

The Timing Nobody Gets Right

Here’s what happens in practice: you mention the holiday idea to your former partner casually, get a non-committal response, interpret silence as agreement, and book.

Three weeks before departure, you mention it again. Now it becomes a source of conflict – either because they genuinely didn’t understand you were serious, or because they’ve decided to use it as leverage for something else entirely.

The timing that actually works: raise the question at least two months before you want to book anything. Put the request in writing. Include specific details. Give them reasonable time to respond. If agreement comes, confirm it in writing. If it doesn’t, you still have time to consider your legal options before you’ve committed financially.

Boring answer? Absolutely. But the alternative is standing at an airport trying to explain to your children why their holiday isn’t happening.

None of this matters if you’ve never considered that “taking the kids on holiday” has shifted from a parental decision to a shared responsibility requiring active agreement. But once you recognise that shift, the question becomes straightforward.

Ask early. Get it in writing. Keep the evidence with your passport.

Andrew Smith is the founder of Fulford Legal Services, a family law solicitor with 20 years’ experience, accredited family mediator, and member of Resolution. He specialises in child arrangement orders, divorce, and family mediation in York. Contact Fulford Legal Services on 01904 862176 or email fulfordlegalservices@outlook.com to discuss your situation.